A Flat In Muggle London
by ianxfalcon
Summary: 1979. Sirius is watching the city from his window, feeling lonely and bored, when he hears a knock on the door. It turns out to be the very last person he would ever expect. Unpleasant conversation ensues.


Standing at the window in his flat, looking down at Muggle London, Sirius thought that he really wanted a drink. He felt very alone. Isolated, almost. He hadn't been in contact with the Wizarding World for two weeks, not since he got James' owl, announcing the date for the upcoming wedding.

They were spread out throughout the country, and even if they could easily connect via Floo powder, they rarely did. Too much dangers, wherever they turned. They might get captured, killed, or disappear without a trace, the very moment they left their hideouts.

He looked forward to the wedding. These last weeks he had only ever spoken to the shop assistant at the local grocery store, and to the landlord. Both were Muggles. None of them knew that their country was involved in a massive war, and that they were at the risk of becoming casualties. It had been refreshing, at first, talking to people who just lived their lives without the slightest idea what went on behind their backs. At first, it had been refreshing.

Then, it got boring.

He wanted to see James. Of course, his friend was in all over his head with wedding plans, but Sirius was sure James would still be able to cheer him up, even if he had to do it whilst making seating cards. Lily, too, always knew what to say to make anyone feel happier. He had some idea that all women went crazy when it came to weddings, but he could give Lily the benefit of the doubt. She was a very collected person, so maybe she wouldn't be like that.

The whole idea of a wedding in a time like this was completely insane. Which was why he supported it full-heartedly.

He had seen neither James nor Lily for months. He missed them. He had seen Remus, rather recently. He looked even worse than before. He had told Sirius that he couldn't get a job in the Wizarding World. He tried to find employment among the Muggle population, but it was hard to explain why he would have to stay home sick two days every month. Sirius had offered him to move in with him. Remus had declined. Sirius was kind of glad he did. Not because he didn't want Remus around – even though his gloominess was somewhat contagious – but because the flat was seriously small and two people living in it at once would have been tempting fate. It was the only one he could afford with Uncle Alphard's money, which he transferred into Muggle money on a monthly basis. He didn't like it, exactly, but it was nice to have a place of one's own. The landlord was a horrible person, but he only showed up when it was time to pay the rent or if he had a complaint, and Sirius had made it his business to be as unnoticeable as humanly possible. A lot of people might have seen the owls, though, but it didn't really seem to faze them.

He usually only got out at night, walking around the streets, looking for signs of the war. He thought he might even be happy to see the Dark Mark, as it would show him the world he grew up in still existed. And that was a notion that freaked him out more than anything.

The friend he saw most regularly was Peter. Peter, poor bloke, still lived with his mother, trying to push a career as a janitor at St Mungo's. But at least he had a job. He had used to come by after work for a cup of tea and a chat, but it had been a while now since the last time. Peter was his usual bubbly self, but Sirius had caught some sort of worry in him last time they met. It was the war; it did the same to everyone. Living every day without knowing if it was your last, or the last of your friends and family. It was enough to put anyone on edge. Still, Sirius wished Peter would come by like he used to, if only for a minute or two.

Sirius wasn't very good at being lonely. It grew on his nerves. He figured perhaps he was just very bad company.

Just as he turned away from the window to go back into the kitchen, where his kettle was waiting for him, he heard a knock on the door. A knock; not a ringing on the doorbell. Granted, he wasn't sure the doorbell worked, but still.

It was late. He wondered who would want to see him at this hour. It might the landlord, coming to tell him he was late with his rent, which he wasn't, that the owls made a goddamn racket, which they didn't (in fact, they weren't even here right now), or that he was about to throw him out to give room for his nephew, or whatever.

Sirius quickly shoved his robes and magic books under the bed. Hiding them, in case it was the landlord. Then he grabbed a hold of his wand. In case it wasn't.

The knocking became more demanding. He went to open the door.

In the dark hallway outside stood a hooded figure. Sirius stiffened. The figure was about four inches shorter than him, much thinner, and didn't look too threatening, but a hooded figure in a Muggle neighbourhood at this time of night caused all his inner alarm clocks to go off. Even if they were dressed in Muggle clothing. It did not fool him.

He put his wand in the face of the person before him, and said:

"Who are you?"

The figure shivered. That wasn't really the reaction one might expect from a Death Eater.

"Please", it whispered. "Please, let me in."

The voice was familiar. Very, unnervingly familiar. Sirius pulled the wand closer to him, but didn't lower it.

"What do _you _want?" he asked.

"Just talk to you. I just want to talk to you, that's all."

"Why should I trust you? How can I be sure the stairway isn't full of your Death Eater pals, just waiting to jump up on me?"

"It's just me", the boy whispered. "I'm alone. And I'm unarmed. Sirius, please…"

"Take off your hood", Sirius said.

"Why? You know it's me."

"I don't want to fuss with you, Regulus. Take off your hood."

His brother obeyed. He pulled the hood from his face and looked up at him. He had changed. He had always been skinny, but now he looked almost starved. His eyes were almost hidden by the dark rings that surrounded them. They were just small grey gleams in the shadows. He was crying. Sirius had never seen his brother cry, not for a very long time, anyway.

Regulus looked around, like he was expecting something to leap out of the darkness and bite him. He was shivering. He looked completely wrecked. Sirius was not impressed. But standing out here wouldn't do, in any case, so he stepped aside to let his brother in.

He closed the door behind him and put up a protection spell. He still was not so sure that Regulus had come here all by himself, and he wasn't going to give an eventual attacker any chance.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"I need your help", Regulus said.

"I don't want to help you", Sirius said.

Regulus stood quiet for a while. "I know", he said softly.

"I always knew you were smarter than you let on. So, now that we've got it out of the way, would you please leave? I have more important things to do."

Regulus stood there, shaking, arms wrapped around himself. His eyes were wide. Terrified. The sleeve of his Muggle jacket had slipped down his arm, revealing the Dark Mark that was tattooed there. Sirius remembered when he first saw it. It was his last year in school. He had already left home and Regulus had done his best to avoid him, only staring blankly at him when they met in the halls. Sirius was not exactly sad for that; he and his brother never really got along, and him being in Gryffindor hadn't done anything to make that better. But he saw the types of people Regulus was hanging out with, he knew who they were. One day, he had found Regulus in the library, all alone staring into space, and he had jumped forward to pull up his sleeve. He knew he had to find out, he simply had to.

Regulus, staring at him with real hatred burning in his eyes, tugged his arm out of Sirius grip, but too late. Sirius had already seen it. He had felt shocked. Not because he didn't think Regulus would do it… well, actually that was part of it. He knew his brother might have done it, but he didn't want to believe he really would.

Now Regulus was here, the Dark Mark still clear on his arm. For a long time, they both stood there, in complete silence. Then Regulus started trembling.

"I'VE FUCKED UP!" he cried. "I'VE FUCKED UP SO BADLY!"

Sirius, having jumped in terror at the sudden outburst, pulled himself together.

"Stop yelling!" he hissed. "You'll wake up the neighbours!"

Regulus stared at him, tears glistening in his eyes.

"What do you mean, you've fucked up?" Sirius asked. "Are you serious? You're a bloody Death Eater! What more can you fuck up?"

"I didn't know", Regulus whispered. "I didn't know what they would have me do! They made me kill people! They made me kill! I couldn't- I didn't-"

"Of course they made you kill! What did you expect? That you were gonna hand out pamphlets saying, 'join Voldemort and get a free robe at Knockturn Alley'?"

Regulus flinched at the name of Voldemort.

"This is reality, Reggie", Sirius said. "If you didn't realize that, you're an idiot."

His brother met his eyes. Just for a second there, a flash of his old temper was visible. "Have you ever seen anyone die?" he hissed. "Have you seen how their bodies go limb, how the light go off in their eyes? Well, have you?"

"Can't say I have", Sirius said.

"You don't know! You don't know anything!"

"Then why have you come here?"

"I was wrong", Regulus said. His anger was dying away, his voice harsh. "I know it now. I was wrong. I thought… it doesn't matter what I thought. The Dark Lord is gone beyond anything you could ever imagine. I can't… I can't follow him anymore."

"In my home, we call him Voldemort", Sirius said.

Again, Regulus flinched.

"I want to leave", he said. "They're gonna have me keep doing it. Over and over again. I think… bloody hell, Sirius, I think I'm going mad."

"Really, you do?" Sirius said. Regulus winced at his tone. Again, there was fury in his eyes. Sirius had been told he himself had a bad temper, but compared to his brother he was a bloody saint. At least he thought so himself. "Look", Sirius said, "if you want to leave, just leave. What do you want me to do?"

"They'll kill me!" Regulus said. "And Mum and Dad, too!"

"Too bad." Sirius looked down at his hands, and was surprised to see them shiver. He tied them into fists. The tip of his wand, safely in his right hand, still trembled.

"I don't want to die!" Regulus said.

"I don't think the people you murdered wanted to, either!"

Regulus started crying. There he stood, in the middle of Sirius' tiny flat, just crying, his whole body shaking. He looked so young, like a child lost in the darkness. Sirius watched him. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to do anything. This was his little brother, a spawn of the same family who disowned him for not doing what they wanted, and he hated him. He had hated him for such a long time. He saw no reason to stop now. Regulus knew what he was doing. He had chosen it; it was his own decision. There was nothing he could do to take it back. The people he had killed would stay dead, and it was his own fault.

_I will not feel sorry for him_, Sirius thought_. I will not feel sorry for him! _He found that wasn't very hard to accomplish.

Just so he wouldn't have to look at him, he turned away. He went to the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove. It was an electric stove; Lily had showed him how to use it. Or rather, she had tried to. He ended up using his wand anyway. He guessed he had a lot to learn about being a Muggle. Not that he needed to. Not as long as he actually had a wand.

Eventually, he went back into the room. He found Regulus sitting in a chair by the table, his head resting on his hands. He had stopped crying, but occasionally he let slip a sob. Sirius looked at him from the doorway. _Once upon a time, there were two brothers_, he thought, _as different as night and day…_ Where did that come from? It seemed familiar. Some old fairytale, probably. Anyway, it was stupid.

"Do you want tea?" he asked, and Regulus jumped.

"No, thanks", he mumbled.

"Suit yourself." He thought about all the times Peter had been sitting at that very table, babbling about, eagerly flailing his arms while talking. Peter was sometimes truly annoying, but it was funny talking to him, and right now Sirius would much rather have him here.

He brought the kettle to the table, went back to get a cup, and placed himself in the chair opposite the one Regulus was sitting in. He poured the tea. Then he said:

"Why did you come here? Why to me?"

"I don't know anyone else!" Regulus said, slightly hysterically. "All the people I know are Death Eaters!"

"Why didn't you go home? Mum would be delighted to have you."

"What would I tell her?" Regulus asked. "I _did _go home. I came there by night. They were all asleep. I couldn't talk to them. They wouldn't understand."

"I don't understand either."

"Yes, you do. What, are you trying to be modest, all of a sudden? Everyone knows you're smart. Smarter than me. They always told me that." There was a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"Who did?"

"You know. Teachers. Students. Everyone bloody loved you. That was why they let you off the hook so easily. You could behave like a jerk, nobody cared."

"I don't think you're the right person to talk. Besides, you're wrong. I was in detention more than anyone else."

"Detention? So what? Remember that curse I threw at James Potter? The whole school turned against me! You got _detention_! The students still worshipped you!"

"I didn't throw curses around."

Regulus mumbled something unintelligible.

"Besides", Sirius said, "I didn't become a Death Eater."

"I don't want to be a Death Eater anymore."

"So stop. It's all a matter of choices, don't you know that?"

Regulus didn't look at him. He looked at his arm, at the Dark Mark. He put his hand around it.

"It was so painful, when he gave me it", he mumbled. "It was painful, but I was so proud. What will I do now? Can you tell me?" he said a bit louder. "What can I do now? They won't let me stop. I'll have to stay with them, or I'll die."

"Sometimes death is better", Sirius said. "I would gladly give my life, if I had to. For the world. For my friends. That is what tells us apart, little brother."

Regulus looked like he didn't believe him.

"Aren't you scared?" he asked.

"Yes", Sirius said. "Yes, I am. Of course I am. I don't want to die. Nobody does. But it will happen, sooner or later, and that is something we can't fight."

He caught a panicky flicker in Regulus' eyes.

"But what if someone found a way to stop that from happening?" Regulus said. "What if someone found a way not to die? No matter what…"

"What are you talking about?"

Regulus just stared into nothingness with a horrified expression on his face.

"Regulus." Sirius leaned in and waved one hand in front of him. He flinched yet again. "What are you talking about?"

"I need to speak to Dumbledore!" Regulus said. "Can you take me to him?"

"Are you kidding me? Why would I know where he is?"

"You're a member of the Order of the Phoenix, are you not?"

Sirius stared at him, rather perplexed. "Maybe I am", he said, finally. "How do you even know about it?"

"Do you really think the Dark Lord doesn't have spies?" Regulus said, sounding a bit like his old, haughty self. "He has spies in the Order. He knows everything about it!"

"I told you not to call him that", Sirius said.

"It doesn't matter!" Regulus said. "Can you take me to him? To Dumbledore, I mean."

"I told you, I can't! I don't know where he is!"

"Can you take me to someone who knows?"

Sirius frowned. Suddenly, the possibility that this was some kind of trap seemed very real. A way to make him give up names of other members of the Order, to make him give up their safe location. Apparently, they knew he was a member. Maybe they had just guessed it, maybe they sent in Regulus just to find out. His brother. They knew he would let him in, despite the fact that they hadn't spoken for years.

If it was a trap, it was an elaborate one. But one he couldn't risk falling into.

"Do you know something about Voldemort?" he asked. "Something important?"

"Yes, I do! I told you, he's gone beyond anything ever done before! It's horrible, Sirius, it's… it's EVIL!"

"Well, that's what he is", Sirius said. "Pure evil in human form. I'm glad you've finally caught on."

"Please, Sirius, you have to take me to him!"

"If you knew this, why didn't you tell me straight away?"

"I-" He was silent for a while. "I was afraid to tell anyone. If he finds out I know… I didn't know who I could tell! I just thought, if I could get you to trust me, maybe you'd…"

"I don't trust you", Sirius said. "I never will."

"Fine! It doesn't matter anyway. I'll tell you, then you can do whatever the hell you want with it! If you don't believe me, don't say I didn't try, once it's too late!"

"Relax, for Merlin's sake", Sirius said. "Just tell me what it is, so we can get it over with."

"The Da- You-Know-Who, I think he's found a way to make himself immortal."

Sirius didn't really know what to say. "What?" he said.

"There is some sort of magic… some sort of dark magic that can keep you alive, even if your body is destroyed. I don't really know. It was something he said… I was so terrified, I had just killed my first person, I… and we were on a meeting, and someone mentioned this new law… the one that gives Aurors the right to kill. And he said… he said he can't die."

Sirius frowned again. "Maybe he lied. Or maybe he believes it's true."

"No. I checked it out. It's true. There are no books in the school library that deals with Dark Arts, I know that. We used to have these nightly clubs, in which we taught each other curses we had heard about… Never mind. I found it in Dad's library. You know how he never let us in there when we were small. These books are ancient. Very valuable. I sneaked in by night, sometimes, to find new curses to show the others. I had to look for a while, but in one of them I found it. Something called 'horcruxes'."

"What is that?" Sirius said. Then he realized that Regulus was cowing, his arms over his head, slowly rocking back and forth.

"You can't imagine! It was horrible! I couldn't stop reading, I just couldn't, and the descriptions... the procedure, it was… I couldn't believe it was true, that someone actually did this. But it was true, all of it! I wish I could get it out of my head, but it's always there. It's always there! I can't get it out!"

"But what-" Sirius said.

"Don't make me tell you! Please, don't make me tell you! I don't even want to think about it! I can't get it out of my head!"

"Okay, I won't", Sirius said. "I won't. Calm down."

It took a while, but then he actually did calm down. His face was still very pale and the dark rings around his eyes seemed even bigger than before, but he had stopped rocking. His body shivered, though, still.

"Are you sure Voldemort has done this?" Sirius asked.

Regulus was so terrified he didn't even react at the name. But he nodded.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"How can you be sure?"

"I have proof. Kreacher-"

"That lousy elf." He wasn't aware he had said it out loud until Regulus gave him an irritated look.

"The Dark L- _You-Know-Who _asked me if he could borrow him. He took him to a cave. A cave of some sort, and there… There it was."

"What was?"

"The horcrux."

"And how do you know it was a horcrux?"

"I just know, okay! It has to be. There's no other explanation."

Sirius took a sip of his tea. For some reason, the cup was shaking. And the tea had gone cold. He swallowed it, and said:

"Do you really think Lord Voldemort, one of the most powerful wizards of all time, would make it so easy to discover his secret that some stupid teenage wizard could do it? When not even great minds like Dumbledore's know?"

"Maybe he figured I was too stupid to bother", Regulus said stiffly.

"I think the whole conversation we've had tonight sort of proved that you are", Sirius said. "Which is why it's so hard for me to believe you."

"You don't have to believe me", Regulus said. "I don't expect you to be able to anything about it anyway. I asked you to take me to Dumbledore. Maybe he'll at least consider it."

"You could have told the Aurors. You could have surrendered to them and then told them everything."

"Maybe they'd just think I was trying to get out of being sent to Azkaban."

He had a point, Sirius had to admit.

"Wouldn't you?" he asked. "Try to avoid going to Azkaban, I mean."

"I don't want to go to Azkaban", Regulus said in a low voice. "I really, really don't."

Sirius pondered that. He could understand that very fear, of course. Death was one thing; Azkaban was quite another. And he knew Regulus was not a very courageous person. Maybe he wasn't a coward, exactly, but he lacked the common traits of bravery. After all, he was a Slytherin. Regulus had always been a bit nervous, not wanting to climb the highest cliff, not wanting to make the parents angry, not wanting to be alone in dark rooms. But this was something completely different, that was for certain. This was real fear, not some childish horror.

"What would you have done", Sirius asked, "if you came here and nobody believed you?"

"I-" He looked scared, but determined. "I would have gone after it. I would have destroyed it. I thought about doing it. I thought I would go there and finish it. It would have been a way to get all the things I've done washed away. Maybe redeem myself, if that is possible. And to stop _him_. He needs to be stopped. I would have done that. I was going to. But then I thought that if I told someone, maybe… maybe that would be enough. Maybe we could still destroy it, and I could have a chance of redemption, and still be alive. It would have killed me, Sirius. I didn't want to die. I _don't_ want to die."

"So, if I told you to piss off and shoved you out the door, you would go to that cave and destroy the thing, even if it did kill you?"

Regulus stared at him with wild, protuberant eyes. Clearly, he had not expected that. He looked slightly mad in his terror. "Yes", he said slowly, voice unsteady. "Yes, I would. If I had to, I would. This thing… it's too evil to exist."

Sirius realized that he really did believe him. Despite all the reasons he had not to, he did. He wasn't so sure he trusted him, and he still thought that Regulus was more concerned with saving his own neck than defeating Voldemort, but it didn't matter much. Sirius didn't know what a horcrux was, and wasn't very certain he wanted to know, but if Voldemort had found a way to become immortal, they had to do anything they could to prevent that from happening.

"I can't take you to Dumbledore", Sirius said, "but I might be able to make him come here. So you can tell him everything."

He had never seen so much relief on a person's face. Regulus looked like he was about to start crying again, but all he said was: "Thank you."

"I can't assure you he will believe you", Sirius said. But for some reason, he thought Dumbledore would. Dumbledore probably knew what a horcrux was, too. In fact, maybe he already knew about this one.

"I will make him believe me", Regulus said. "Do you… do you think he can protect me? And Mum and Dad?"

"If anyone can, it's him", Sirius said. "I don't think you deserve it, but it's up to him to decide."

"Well, are you gonna…?"

"Do you see any owls around here?" Sirius said. "They're out. Once they come in, I'll send him a letter. That's all I can do."

"Okay", Regulus said, looking down at the table. "Sirius, I… Look, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about what happened. With Mum and Dad, and all. There wasn't really anything I could do about it, but still… I'm sorry." He didn't sound like he really was sorry, but Sirius let it slip. It didn't really seem to matter, now.

"It's okay", he said. "I didn't like it there. Perhaps it was for the best."

"If you had gone to Slytherin, things might have been different."

"I didn't want to go to Slytherin", Sirius said. "I hated the whole idea. I am a Gryffindor, and I'm proud over it."

"I guess you are", Regulus said, sounding a bit astonished. "Odd. Imagine what it would have been like, though. If we went to Slytherin together, maybe we would both have been Death Eaters now."

"I don't imagine", Sirius said. "I live in reality. And in reality, I would never be a Death Eater. I would rather die than be one."

"It was great", Regulus said. Sirius shot him a sharp look, and he looked away. "Well, it was. Sometimes. I felt so powerful. So important. Like I was a part of something greater than life."

"With the right to kill and maim", Sirius said acidly.

"That came later", Regulus said. He looked at the Dark Mark on his arm. "I will never escape that", he said. "I will never be free from it. Knowing what I did. They screamed, some did. Begged me to spare them. If I could, I would take it all back. Do you believe me when I say that, that I would take it all back?"

"I honestly don't know", Sirius said.

"It's okay", Regulus said. He took his eyes off his arm to meet Sirius gaze. I very small smile touched his lips. But his eyes were large, and tearful. "I wouldn't, either."

"Those spies", Sirius said. "Voldemort's spies. Do you know who they are?"

"No. I don't. I've never met them." Regulus shook his head. "Could be anyone."

Anyone. It was as if the whole room fell cold.

They heard a gentle tapping on the window and both of them jumped. Sirius rose up and went to let the owl in. It carried a letter. It was from Remus. Sirius put it aside for now. For some reason, he felt like his friends were so far away right now. More than ever before. But maybe that was just the night, and the generally surreal situation he had found himself in.

(Anyone. The spies could be anyone.)

He sat down to write his letter. Regulus was cooing the owl, whispering words into its feathers. When Sirius looked up at him, he really looked small. Young. But then again, so was he. They were both young, and living in a world that balanced on the brink of destruction.

He finished the letter and attached it to the owl. It gave him a nasty look at having to fly again so soon, but when he carried it to the window it relaxed somewhat.

"To Dumbledore", he told it quietly. "It's very important."

It lifted from his hands and fluttered away. He just stood there, watching it as it flew away over the darkening London sky and then was gone.


End file.
